I raced myself, and I won...

Everyone has moments in their live that define who they are today, and shape who they are tomorrow. For me, this weekend was one of those.

As everyone knows by now, I joined "boot camp las vegas" several months ago, with dedication and determination to build a better me. Not long into my adventure, Paul, my awesome trainer, mentioned the "Scale The Strat" event to the class, and I think I immediately chimed up "that sounds awesome, I want to do it". The idea of making it to the top of 1,455 stairs intrigued me. Weeks, and possibly months went by and the idea lost some of its appeal, I was having second thoughts about signing up. That is, until Paul sent out an email to the entire class, calling me out by name, for not having signed up yet. That was the motivation I needed, I signed up with out hesitation, I was going to climb the tower.

Now came the part that seemed like the biggest challenge of the whole ordeal, raising a minimum $250 for the American Lung Association. I knew I had a lot of friends, and family that would probably support me, but $250 seemed like a lot, how was I going to raise that much? I crafted an email to my family, asking for their support, shortly followed by an email to all of my friends at work. The response was immediately overwhelming, after my first TWO donations, I was already at $250. I no longer had to worry about reaching the minimum, my only concern at this point was, "how the hell am I going to climb that many stairs". The flood of support and donations continued to stream in, I raised my fund raising goal to $500, thinking that it would be a stretch. Little did I realize how much love and support I had behind me. A blink of an eye later, and I was already approaching the $800 mark. So much for my goal of $500, and no sense in setting a new goal of $750, I was well on my way to $1000, that was my new goal.

The astonishing amount of donations was enough to get me to the starting line, but it wasn't going to magically get me up 1,455 stairs to the top of the tower, I had a lot of hard work ahead of me. Paul to the rescue. He knew I had the drive and dedication to make the climb, and he made it a point to prepare me physically for it. There were nights of running stairs with a 40lb weight vest, miles of running, squats and lunges until I could take no more, and all sorts of other exhausting exercises. Being in probably the best physical shape of my life, I knew climbing the tower wasn't going to be a matter of "if I make it to the top", it was simply a matter of "how fast can I make it".

In the midst of training and preparation for the climb, the support and donations continued to pile up, and reached an absolutely amazing amount - $1,600. I never would have imagined being able to raise this much, but everyone stepped up big time. Before I go any further, I want to give a HUGE thanks to everyone who donated - John Y, Corey O, Mike G, Terry P, Joe L, Todd H, John H, Chris B, Don & Hope A, Sharee M, Dee & Gary W, Brian R, Lisa W, Greg N, Melissa B, Carolyn E, Pennie D, Lynn C, Mel L, Devin E, Peter F, Kelly Y, Carolyn P, Dana P, Linda H, Chuck D, Rob V, Sarah R, Brian F, Ian Y, Lauren P, Judy M, Bill D, Lori M, Robert L, Nadia M, Valencia J. You guys are absolutely awesome, and your support means everything - with out you, I couldn't have done this.

The sun rose on day one of the event, Feb 20th, which initially seemed so far away, but came quicker than expected. It was time to put myself to the test, mentally and physically. I arrived at the Stratosphere in a mix of emotions - excited, nervous, confident, energized, scared, and more. I have never done anything like this before, it was sure to be an adventure no matter what.

The race began with climbers staggered one minute apart, and before I knew it, I was next in line. 30 seconds......15 seconds...3, 2, 1 - I was off. I raced through the start, skipping every other step on my climb to the top. Several flights in, my legs got tired, I was out of breath, I was dizzy. Shit, did I start too fast, was I going to be able to make it to the top? I slowed my pace to every step, took deep breaths, and fought past the extreme pain and fatigue. The race was a blur at best, even though each story was clearly marked so racers could keep track of their progress, I really don't remember much of the climb. Thirteen minutes and thirty one seconds after my first step, I reached the finish line. Hardly able to walk, let alone breathe, I was standing at the top of the tower, I had crushed my original goal of 15 minutes. I was ecstatic. The results board was updating with each racer that finished. Initially, I was ranked the 30-somethings, it was looking like I would be in the top 50 racers, and have a chance to race again the next day in the finals. As the last of the racers made it across the finish line, I fell to 56th place.

If there is one thing I hate, its losing, whether its second place or 56th. Suddenly, my goal-beating 13:31 was no longer good enough. I should have done better, I should have fought harder, I should have been faster. Did I mention I HATE losing. Congratulations to Paul, my boot camp instructor, and Julie, the owner of boot camp for finishing in the top 50 - but I couldn't be happy unless I was racing with them again on Saturday, I was determined to find a way.

I showed back up at the Stratosphere Saturday, with one goal in mind - make it back into that tower and improve my time. I approached the registration area and explained that I had ranked 56th on Friday, and I was curious of any of the 50 finalists had dropped out of the race. Sure enough, there were 4, dropping the racer count to 46. Great! I let them know that I was interested in making another climb in the place of one of the racers who could not make it. With out thought to my question, I was told "no". This answer did not work for me, but I was not about to take "no" for an answer. Remember, I hate to lose, and at this point, I was losing. I knew pleading my case to a volunteer working the registration counter was no use, I asked for someone "in charge".

Brian from the American Lung Association was called over, and I re-explained my desire to race again. With the same "no-can-do" attitude, he told me I would not be able to race. He indicated that "only the top 50 racers can race today". I reminded him that there were only the top 46 racers returning, and that the people who finished 51-55 weren't begging to race, so by default, I should be given the opportunity to fill one of the open spots. He didn't see things my way, and was insistent that I would not be able to race. I wanted to race, I needed a compelling reason, something that would make them rethink the "rules". With out hesitation, "Brian, I have raised $1,600 for the American Lung Association, I want to climb that tower today. Who do I need to talk to, what do I need to do to make that happen". By this point, he realized I was serious, a somewhat shocked look came over his face, and he told me to give him a few minutes while he tried to see what he could do.

He bounced around the room, talking to several upper-ranked folks from the Strat and ALA, pleading my case. After several minutes, he returned to where I was waiting and told me that they wanted to give me another chance to run. Had I really won my first battle of the day? I was walked over to the registration table where they checked me in, I was given a racer number, and added to the list of climbers. It was official, I was getting a second chance to prove to my self that I could do better, I could fight harder, I could be faster. If it was not for the amazing support and fund raising efforts, I am convinced they would have stuck to their "rules" and turned me away - thanks to everyone who backed me, I got a second chance that I shouldn't have gotten.

As I approached the starting line once again, there was no one behind me, I was the final racer of the "Scale the Strat 2009". I had to do it for myself, and I had to do it for my supports - I was not willing to let either of those down. I learned from my mistakes from the day before. I started slower, taking every step, I controlled my breathing, and I was more focused and determined than ever. I passed the spot only a couple stories in, where just the day prior I was exhausted, this time full of energy and going strong. As I reached the final 100 or so stairs, the exhaustion had definitely set in, and I had to dig deep to keep the motivation to keep going. I heard my fellow boot campers at the top cheering me on, calling my name. I couldn't let them down either. I started sprinting up the stairs, two at a time, there was nothing that could stop me. I crossed the finish line at 12 minutes and 38 seconds, nearly a full minute faster than my first run.

This time, I truly had something to be ecstatic about. I raced my self, and I won. I had an overwhelming sense of personal satisfaction, knowing I achieved something that sounded impossible to some people, and knowing that I crushed not only my climb time goal, but my fund raising goal as well. I may not have been the fastest climber there, but I gave everything I had, and I couldn't be happier with how I did.

This has been an incredible experience for me, and it would not have been possible with out the support everyone has given me. I now know I can achieve anything I set my mind to, and I cant wait for the next opportunity to do so.

With all of the love and thanks I can give, this goes out to everyone who believed in me and made helped me make all of this a reality.

Loner On The Social Internet

It has become apparent that everyone around me is obsessed with blogging, twitter, and all of that other social internet stuff. I, however, have been slow to jump on the band waggon. I wouldn't say that I'm a very social person, I keep most of my thoughts and feelings to my self, and don't go out of my way to share much of anything with anyone. I don't have anything exciting to share with the twitter world, and even if I do, there is nothing that compells me to share it. I only have a facebook and myspace account because all of my friends have one and told me I wouldn't be cool unless I had one too. Sadly, after signing up, I came to the realization that they might have lied to me. I dont use them - I have no interest in finding old acquaintences from school, joining groups with people that have similar interests, or any of the other million things those sites promote. And, until about 30 minutes ago, I did not have a blog.

Like the other social phenomenons on the internet, I simply have not had any interest in creating a blog. Even if I had something worthy of sharing, theres a good chance I wouldnt, that's just me. I recently started finding my self slightly compelled to actually open up and share my thoughts with those willing to listen, or atleast read. Hearing everyone around me talking about their blogs and ocasionally reading their posts may have also played a role in my breakdown to finally start my own. Below, you will find a couple of blog posts that I wrote over the past couple of months, but never really did anything with. I wrote them with the thought that if I ever started a blog, I would have something to start with, and that has finally happened.

I don't exactly expect to get as "religious" with the whole blogging thing as some of my close friends are, posts may be few and far between. I have atleast cracked open the shell, so if I find my self wanting to share something, I might be a little more motivated to do so. I will say that I might have been sucked into the "25 random things about me" thing that has been going around. I am working on my list of 25 things, many of which no one, or very few people know about me, it should be interesting. You will probably be be seeing that post in the near future . Depening on how into this whole blogging thing I get, I may even go as far as setting up wordpress and get something a little more official going, but for now, this is my home. Welcome.

Oh, by the way, you may have noticed that the title of my blog is "?". I am perfectly content with this, however if you have a more fitting idea, I'd be happy to hear it.

What the hell is happening to me?

Several months into my boot camp adventure, and things are going great. I've shed some pounds. I've gotten stronger. I can run further, and faster. I can lift more weight. I think I'm finally on the road to getting in shape I've long tried to find. After each hour of intense work out, I feel better and better. Well, let me clarify that. After each work out, I'm exhausted and sore, but when that subsides and I take a step back, the results are apparent, and its exciting. Some people say they are addicted to working out, and when they miss days, they feel sluggish, dont sleep as well, etc - I now understand what they mean. Boot camp has been an awesome experience, and despite telling Nita I hate her on a regular basis for getting me into it, I actually enjoy it a lot. It has been the starting point of a "new and improved" me.

So far, all of the changes I have seen in my self were somewhat expected, assuming I stuck with it and gave it my all. What surprised the hell out of me was my sudden craving for vegetables one night after working out. I suppose I should point out that I do not, and never really have eaten vegetables. Those who know me know that I order my bugers with no veggies on them, I tediously remove the peas and carrots from my fried rice, and anything else that has veggies in it, on it, or around it is a no-go. Its not necessarily because I dont like them, I just have not eaten them my entire life, so why start now? So back to the craving... One night, after boot camp I actually wanted veggies, seriously, so off to the store I went. I walked into the produce section, and was immediately overwhelmed, I hadn't eaten a vegetable my whole life, and there I was trying to pick out one for reasons I could not explain. Not having any idea where to being, I made my way to the soup isle, and picked up a can of soup with veggies, went home, and ate it. As I sat in front of the television eating vegetables for pretty much the first time in my life, I thought to my self, "What the hell is happening to me?".

Fast forward a couple of weeks, I found my self heading to the store to find something to cook for dinner. I typically do not have anything in mind when I walk in, I simply walk up and down the isles until something catchs my eye. This trip to the store would start out like all the others, but when I walked out of the store that day, I wasn't the same person as when I walked in. Almost as if I had the meal planned out all along, and had cooked it 100 times, I gathered my ingredents. Large handful of bean sprouts, 1 small zucchini, 1 bundle of green onions, 1 carrot, and 2 chicken breasts. I proceeded home, where I chopped up all of the veggies, cut the chicken into pieces, mixed in some seasoning and an hour later I had one hell of delicious a stir fry dish, that was easily 50% veggies and 50% chicken. As I sat enjoying my meal, I was once again faced with the question, "What the hell is happening to me?".

The closest I can come to explaining the crazyness that came over me might have something to do with my body no longer being content with pizza, burgers, and the rest of the junk that made up my day to day diet. I attribute much of this to the physical strain boot camp puts on your body, and your body's need for nutrients to recover. Maybe thats all a bunch of BS and it was a crazy concidence, but either way, I think in addition to finding the road to getting in shape, I may have also found the road to becoming a healthier person.

Don't get ahead of me though. Im slow to accept change, so you probably wont see me eating a salad or anything crazy like that any time soon. But if you see me shoving veggies to the side in the future, feel free to remind me I probably wont die if I try them, and I might actually like them.

Its all a work in progress, but I am happy with how far I have come, and have no plans to give up now.

Feel Good Moment

Ill be the first to admit, I can be a pretty cheap and greedy person. I don't like spending my money, unless its on something for myself. I've lived a pretty fortunate life, I've never gone a Christmas with out getting all the gifts I wanted, and I've never gone a day with out food because I or my family couldn't afford it. I have a good job, a roof over my head, and can afford a reasonably comfortable lifestyle. Sadly, there are sooo many people in this city/state/country/world that aren't nearly as fortunate as I am. Every year when the holidays roll around, I tell my self I'm going to do something good for someone else, and sadly, I never really pull through. (Why do people only care during the holidays? ) This year, I planned on participating in the angel tree program at work, but I ended up passing because I was "too busy getting ready to go to cancun for a week". How ridiculous is that shit? There are kids and families who don't have warm clothes, toys, or food this holiday season, and all I cared about was my vacation? God, I suck.

Tonight, I went to the grocery store by my house to pick up food, I am fortunate enough to be able to do such a thing. As I walked out of the store with food for the week, a local radio station and news station were doing a food drive. There were several canopies setup, full of volunteers collecting food donations for the less fortunate in the community. I walked up to one of the volunteers, an older lady, and told her "I didn't want to do any extra shopping, but I heard you accept cash and will do the shopping for me". With a smile on her face, she said "Absolutely!". I reached into my wallet and pulled out a hundred dollar bill and handed it to the woman.

Now, I usually wouldn't be carrying around $100 bills, but I took several hundred dollars on vacation. I had fully intended on blowing this money on food, alcohol, or other frivolous stuff, and was prepared to not flinch about it or worry about "wasting" money. I didn't actually spend it all, so I was carrying around some extra cash tonight. If I was willing to spend that $100 on myself in Mexico and not worry about it, then there is absolutely no reason that I couldn't donate it to someone less fortunate than I am. I missed one opportunity to help someone else because of my greed, I can't possibly be so greedy to do it again? That $100 is going to go much further than I had ever intended it to, and its going to help many people who aren't as fortunate as I am, and I'm sure they will appreciate it more than I possibly could have.

The lady I handed the money to immediately reached out and gave me a hug, and repeatedly thanked me for my donation. I could tell she was touched, hell, I was touched by giving.

I will keep the families that I helped in mind this holiday season, I know they will be more grateful for my donation than I may ever understand.

This was my feel good moment. I urge the rest of you to find a "feel good moment" of your own, and take the opportunity to help someone else this holiday season.

Happy Holidays.